Heartbreak

Our precious Butterball left us last night. I can't believe he's gone, or how fast everything went wrong. It hurts so much. I keep thinking I'm out of tears, but then I manage to find more.

I took Butterball in to the vet early yesterday morning because he still wasn't eating. He stayed there all day. They tried to give him fluids and to get him to eat. When I called at 3:45, they thought he'd be okay coming home for the night. By the time I picked him up at 5 (they wanted to keep him until then), the vet told me to take him to the emergency pet clinic for the night.

I held our sweet baby in my lap and tried to drive to the clinic. I lost it and pulled over in a church parking lot. My dad came and got us and drove us to the clinic, where Mr. Jones met us. Butterball was close to unresponsive at this point, just laying in my arms, making occasional cooing noises. I nuzzled him close. I had no idea how bad things would get so fast.

The clinic opened at 5:30 with us waiting there. The guy who worked there was wonderful, and they ran blood work and a parvo test. Despite the parvo test coming back negative for the third time in as many days, it looks like that is what sweet Butterball had. He had a viral infection and had a really low white blood cell count. His kidneys weren't doing well at all by that point.

We said goodbye for the night, to let them work on him. Sticking my finger through that cage to pet his tiny head broke my heart. By the time we got to my car, the clinic called, telling us Butterball was doing agonal breathing, which meant he was trying to pass away. We flew back over to the clinic, and got to spend his last few minutes with him.

Those were some of the hardest minutes of my life. Mr. Jones and I just stood there and cried with Butterball between us after he'd gone. His little body was so light and it just broke my heart.

I don't understand why this dream come true only got to last five days. I know Butterball was just a puppy, and not a person, but to us he was two years of dreaming and planning come true.

My heart is simply broken. Mr. Jones is so upset too. It's been a long sleepless night, and it's going to be an even longer day.

I'd give anything to hold that sweet furball in my arms again. He deserved more time at home with us. We needed more time with him.

XOXO,

Mrs. Jones